Thursday, April 23, 2015
(dennis continues his narrative of what he calls a “composite day” working for his boss, Carol.—Mark Remond)
Arrive at office, check Carol’s email and respond where Her input is not specifically needed.
Clean the kitchenette, make coffee, unload the dishwasher, put away cups and saucers.
Set up cups, saucers, cream and sugar in the board room in anticipation of staff meeting this morning.
Get the mail, gathering that which specifically needs Her attention; take care of the rest.
Catch up on filing, then order office supplies.
Clean and polish the two pair of heels She keeps in the office; She broke a heel once so spare shoes are worthwhile insurance. i check that we have sundries, just in case – things like nail files, hand cream, a few pairs of earrings, pantyhose, and so on. Little things that She just might need.
In anticipation of an executive board meeting, check the board room, making sure the writing boards are cleaned and the AV is operational; for good measure i use the feather duster to make sure the room is in top shape for the seven demanding Women who will soon be gathering there; they accept nothing less than excellence!
Review my reports in preparation for the executive board meeting. Yes, I have operational responsibilities and participate in the meeting.
Go to the parking deck to meet and greet Carol. “Good morning, Ms. Brown,” i say as She points an authoritative finger and hands me Her keys. “Yes, Ma’am,” i respond, fully understanding that Her car needs fuel and a wash and that Her dry-cleaning needs to be tended to – my lunch time task.
i start to ask Her a question about my lunchtime chores, but She as no patience for questions. “Just do it, bitch,” She interjects, cutting me off. “Yes, Ma’am!” Enough said!
i locate Her heels in Her totebag and place them on the ground next to Her open door. She steps into the 3-inch taupe slingbacks, leaving me to tend to the low heels She just took off. Carol drives in low heels but wouldn’t think of wearing anything lower than a 3-inch heel for business. High heels equate to power, and Carol wants that power! i put Her low heel shoes into the tote, making a mental note to clean and shine them at some point during the day.
i put Her purse over my shoulder, Gather Her bags, and follow Her into the office, staying with Her but a step behind. The sound of Carol’s heels on the hard floor sets a cadence for the day’s business and announces that authority is approaching. Men gathered around a coffee machine scatter like flies. Two other men call out to Her, “Good morning, Ms. Brown!” She nods and smiles.
Two Women approach.“Good morning, Carol.” Smiling, Carol responds, “Good morning Leslie and Judy.” Both women are members of our leadership development program. Carol comments to me that She appreciated the respectful way She was greeted by the two men. “I’m glad you took care of that,” She says, referring to a few past situations where proper decorum wasn’t observed. “Yes, Ma’am,” i respond, adding that the expectation of proper respect for Women has been communicated companywide. Women, regardless of level or company service, are addressed as “Ma’am” and groups of Women as “Ladies.” This may sound trite, but in a company that was previously run by a good-old-boy network and that rarely promoted Women, even very qualified Women, culture change is difficult and we are in the midst of a lot of it.
Before arriving at Her office suite Carol stops to talk with two Women. i respectfully greet them – “Good morning, Ladies” – and then stay a respectful distance back while they complete their conversation. i continue to hold Carol’s purse and bags – putting them down would not be respectful. As the conversation continues, another Woman, one of our administrative assistants, walks down the hall with a mesmerizing cadence of high heels on the hard floors. She encounters one of our recently hired young men clearly anxious to help Her; he leaves with an armful of copying She needs done, leaving Her to do other tasks or simply to enjoy a cup of coffee. Culture change is working!
As we step into Carol’s office suite, i take Her jacket to hang, noting the need to steam it and decide to do so; i have a steamer and an iron in a back room and frequently freshen Her wardrobe. i inform Her just in case She looks for the jacket, but She has very little patience with me – “Just do it, bitch! Why do I have to be involved?” As i put Her tote away, i remember Her low heels and set them aside for a cleaning and polishing; again, i consider this as a part of my job and i have the necessary supplies. While Carol sits down to peruse Her paper, i serve coffee and put the board meeting agenda in front of Her. Then i hang up Her coat and put away Her totebag.
i manage Carol’s calls and appointments. When Her first call comes in, i answer and immediately deem it a low priority; it’s something i can handle myself or hand off but isn’t worthy of Carol’s attention. “i’m sorry but Ms. Brown is very busy right now, may i take a message?” i’ll tend to this issue later, but only because the caller was a Woman. Otherwise i wold have handed it off or ignored it. Responding to Female staff is a great way to break from the practices of the past and empower Women.
i greet the Women as they arrive for the executive board meeting – “Good morning, Ms. Jones!” Proper decorum is a must, and my preference is always to address Women formally, even though many of these Women allow me to use their first name. It’s a powerful group of Women, all company owners, and They deserve to be treated with special respect and deference. As each arrives i ask whether she’d like her usual beverage or something else. While we do serve the Women, tom and i are also board members, so we’re soon engaged in business conversations.
The board is assembled, and i greet them as a group – “Good morning Ladies, Carol will be in shortly. In the mean time may i refill your coffee cups?” Carol enters a few minutes later and the meeting begins.
(To be continued…)
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
i’m Carol’s chief of staff – or bitch, if you will – taking care of both complex business tasks as well as performing the menial and routine tasks that need doing but are far below any Woman’s doing, let alone a Woman of Carol’s stature. Carol joined the company when it was owned by a large conglomerate and run by the good old boys who, incidentally, both She and i, as militant Feminists, despised. Recognizing Her talent, i mentored Her and as She rose through the ranks to eventually become one of a group of Women who would buy the company, turning it into a Woman-owned and Woman-run business, i rose with Her, but as Her subordinate. My friend, tom, had a similar situation, and today we are the only two men in staff management although neither of us has the title of executive. Carol is building a Woman-run software powerhouse in an industry that is anything but.
My job is to do whatever She tells me to do and to do it efficiently and flawlessly, but for the most part i handle the daily routine without much supervision from Carol. Given their usual interface with me, most people see me as Carol’s administrative assistant, Her secretary, Her bimbo. And, yes, i do have all those roles but i do much more, most of it only seen by our executive staff. i have a routine of work that includes overseeing technology planning for our business, organizing and attending Her meetings, managing Her schedule, capturing meeting notes, overseeing Her new hire-and-mentoring programs for upwardly mobile Women in our company, and accompanying Her on out-of-town trips to check on our field offices.
And then there are all of the little things that Carol needs done. These tasks include making and serving coffee, keeping Her office clean, fueling and washing Her car, fetching Her dry cleaning, running errands, making sure fresh flowers are on Her desk, shopping, and even ironing whenever She needs an outfit touched up before a meeting or when we’re traveling.
When needed, i openly illustrate my deference to Her as an example of how staff should treat this powerful Woman – “Yes, Ma’am,” “Yes, Ms. Brown!” – and if staff doesn’t get the picture, i inform them very directly. i often serve as Carol’s escort at business functions, making sure She is always looked after and always informed. i know She needs to project confidence, power, and authority, and I am proud and privileged to help Her do exactly that. And i know She likes a differential male at Her side, taking orders, fulfilling requests, and keeping track of conversations and commitments; these functions are beneficial, of course, but so is my subtle show of deference, very important in a company that has a history of men-in-charge.
i arrange evenings out for Carol when we travel, providing dinners, entertainment, and diversions. i’ve been by Her side for years and know Her sizes, color and style preferences, favorite perfume, preferred wines and mixed drink, and the cuisines that please Her, and i know Her husband, family, women-friends, and boyfriends. i know Her plans, strategies, and tribulations; and i know when to loudly cheer Her and when to softly whisper in Her ear.
And then there are the times – few and far between – where i’ve taken a hit for Carol. On one occasion in our old male-run company, She made errors in a report and was taken to task by an overbearing male manager who was of the old school and didn’t want to see Carol make it. i stepped forward very publicly and took the blame, all of it – and the punishment – for the error. Carol appreciated what i did and that i did it in what was a male-run bastion of patriarchy; She knew that in doing so i endangered my own career . It was a demonstration of my loyalty to Her and one that i would repeat again if ever needed. Carol is one hell of a
Friday, March 20, 2015
I wondered if the “bitch” term (in your “Reply TO CHLOË’S COMMENT ON REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY”) was used with anyone present who was not in the lifestyle. If it was, it would seem a little harsh to those not in the know.
Yes, the term” bitch” might seem a little harsh to some, but i’m hearing it used more and more these days in a very different context than what you might think. In this new advanced FLR context, “bitch” is becoming a compliment. Let me explain:
My Boss, Carol, recently introduced me to a group of Her Female Colleagues as “my bitch,” and no one seemed disturbed or uncomfortable, me included. Subsequently Carol has told one of Her Colleagues (in my hearing) to, “Call my bitch, and he’ll make arrangements” – referring to my setting up a meeting. Another Woman executive asked Carol, “Can I borrow your bitch?” for some complicated reporting tasks.
As you’ll see below, increasingly bitch is taken as a real compliment to males who relish their subordinate-to-Women status. Frankly, i’m happy to be Carol’s bitch. Carol is an executive, and being Her bitch means that She:
§ Trusts me with tasks ranging from the trivial (i have a cup of coffee on Her desk in the morning) to the complex (i do complex reports and analyses for Her)
§ Is confident in my abilities
§ Confides in me and knows i’ll NEVER violate Her confidence
§ Trusts me with details of Her business and personal life
§ Knows that i’m watching Her back, anticipating Her needs, and getting things done for Her
§ Is confident that my work loyalty is to Her and Her alone
§ Can count on me to be Her eyes and ears in our organization; i tell Her what’s happening
§ Knows i advocate for Her in every situation i find myself
§ Appreciates that i’ll always be giving Her credit for successes
§ Takes comfort in my taking blame when things go wrong
§ Can give me the dirty jobs and know i’ll carry them out to the letter
§ Knows i’m a vocal activist on Feminist issues
§ Is able to delegate tasks and power to me, knowing i will accomplish what She wants
§ Sees me as one of the “girls” and not one of the “guys”
§ Knows i care about Her and want Her to be successful
§ Will always find Her coffee cup filled, Her car warm, and Her briefcase and tote bag in the trunk
§ Can count on me for the little things – cleaning Her house, taking and picking up Her dry cleaning, pressing Her blouse when we’re on a business trip
In this specialized context, you see, “bitch” is one of those wonderful words that has multiple meanings: the pejorative term has been purposefully rehabilitated it, so that, if capitalized (according to the Feminist spelling), it refers to a strong, assertive, and vocal Woman. Similarly, “bitch” can also refer to a Woman’s articulating Her views, usually to the discomfort of men, i.e. “bitching.”
But, when lowercase, “bitch” is being expanded today in some FLR circles as a colloquial term for a very capable administrative assistant. Thus my boss Carol referring to me as Her bitch is meant, and taken, as a real compliment; my title of “her bitch” is earned. and i’m damn proud of it. Yes, bitch can be Female (Bitch) or male (bitch). So, in a sense, we’re both (B)bitches and equally damn proud of the name!
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Chloë: Since my fiancé told me he wanted to take more control, it has been a steady increase in control over the household, which has in turn led to conversations in which it simply comes up. When a friend asked me to come to her daughter’s recital with her, I simply told her we would be there, telling my fiancé that’s what we were doing. Simple things such as being released from chores, being praised and lovingly supported by an obedient husband just keep coming up in conversation. This lifestyle has become steadily more gratifying, and I feel like I have a “little man,” as a previous post on this website has shown me. But eventually it just comes out, because people have expectations, and when you say, “No, actually, we can have it at my place, I’ll tell the little man to make something,” peoples’ heads turn. Also, as we are nearing our wedding, my fiancé said that since they are my values, he thinks we should use my name as our family name.
Thank for Your comments. Yes, it’s true, as a couple moves down the path of a Female Led Relationship, the lifestyle just becomes entwined with the daily tasks of living, and so, too, does it become entwined in our conversations and interactions with others. Word gets out and others soon realize the special relationship that the FLR couple has, and, more importantly, they realize the authority the Woman has.
As a Woman assumes more authority, She may refer to her husband in a way that better reflects Her authority and his subordination. You’ve adopted “little man,” my friend tom’s Wife refers to him as Her “boi,” and Nancy and Sue often refer to me as their “bitch” as in “I’ll have my bitch take care of it.” My Boss, Carol, uses “bitch,” too and has introduced me to Female colleagues as, “This is my bitch, dennis.” “Boi,” “bitch,” and “little man” are the most common ways we see submissive gentlemen referred to. Not only are they in line with an FLR, but many Women in the lifestyle understand their significance and are comfortable these terms in conversation and in applying them to their own relationships. What the Women whom I’ve met in FLRs don’t seem to feel comfortable with are using “sissy” or “slave” to describe their husbands, as these terms, though usually attributed to submissive relationships, don’t lend themselves to practical use.
In addition to being Nancy’s “bitch,” at home i’m also sometimes called “Suzie-Q,” a nickname that has been bestowed on me by the Women of the family. As a result, many close friends and family have long since stopped calling me dennis; it’s Suzi-Q who gets letters, cards, and packages. A number of Women we know in FLRs have assigned names to their submissive male partners, either pet names or “bitch names.” For instance, my friend tom is also known as “Tootsie.”
Finally, Chloë, if your fiancé desires to take Your name in marriage, and You feel he is deserving of the privilege – and it is a privilege – then by all means do so! It is a beautiful sign of your authority and of his commitment. Nancy and i wrote a post for this blog a long time ago that had advice for a man taking the Woman’s name in marriage; you might want to look for that post. In our patriarchal society it’s easy for a Woman to take a man’s name in marriage, but going the other way, the man taking Her name, can be very complicated depending on local laws. Consult a lawyer to discuss your specifics. One nice touch that we recommend is that after the marriage, he hyphenate his “maiden” name with yours, dennis smith-Richards, for example. Hyphenation is a way Women, particularly professional Women, transition to a man’s name, eventually dropping Hers. Most Women we know elect either to keep their name outright or maintain hyphenation. For a Woman hyphenation proclaims Her independence. For a man hyphenation proclaims his commitment to his Wife.
We’re absolutely delighted that you are moving down the path of an FLR and that your “little man” is so willing to travel that path. Please let us know if you decide to allow your fiancé to take you name in marriage.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
The pro-Female dynamics in our family may be unconventional at the moment, but the Female Led movement is gaining ground fast, and I feel that my children will one day be ahead of the game and better prepared for the world that is coming.
But even if our lifestyle were still to be frowned on in the future, I still feel strongly that it is right to conduct ourselves in the way we do.
When it comes to our children, my Goddess Wife and I put both of them first. Their happiness is central to our family. My Wife and I both make sacrifices for them, but we find that there is more scope for me to give things up—with the help of my Wife.
For example: I used to eat too many sweet things, and now, at my Wife’s direction, that has been stopped. The ideal that my Wife likes to promote for males is one of being slim and trim, and for Women to be rounded and larger.
We both agree that the pervasive effect of media stereotypes (and, to an extent, the “War on Women”) has been to make females thin and weak through dieting and shame about size.
In our family the Women are large and strong, while the calories are restricted for us males.
Here’s how mealtimes embody this families dynamic: My son and I must wait for the lasses to start first, so they get first choice in certain foods. Either we start to eat only after the lasses have already begun their meal, or we may eat at a later time.
In this way, the most basic apportionment of power in the family is demonstrated through the apportionment of calories.
Clearly, the idea that the big lion gets the lion’s share of the food is reversed in our house. It’s the Lionesses that get the Lionesses share.
And all of us—my Goddess Wife and I, and our Daughter and son—feel that this is exactly as it should be.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Anonymous comment on dennis’ post: REVEALINGFEMALE AUTHORITY:
"My wife (dom) and I started this lifestyle about 3 months ago. Finding information on this site is great. While some are comfortable with friends’ knowing about their FLR, we are not sure how to get there. I am sure my friends are wondering if something is different. How have others spilled the beans? I am sure some have no issues with this but we need advice on how to get there.”
Thanks so much for your post and a warm welcome to a wonderful lifestyle!
We’d advise that you move gradually, although we know that many couples want to get news of their Female-led lifestyle out there. Small steps are easier to communicate on your part, and they are easier to accept on the part of your friends. If, for example, your Wife has you performing a regimen of housework, then casually bring that up in conversation. She might drop hints such as mentioning in conversation that She told you to do a task as opposed to asking you to do something. If you have visitors and are responsible for kitchen cleanup, then by all means do your assigned work no matter who’s present; you can explain that cleaning the kitchen is your job. If your Wife requires you ask permission to deviate from your normal routine, for example, going out with co-workers after work, then by all means make it known that you have to ask your Wife’s permission.
Your Wife will likely be able to spread the news of your new lifestyle easier than you can. Keep in mind that men in our patriarchal society look down on other men taking orders from Women, but Women look upon Women giving orders to men in a very positive light.
Be subtle. In public you should allow Her to lead the way, select the wine at dinner, etc. And She should never ask; rather, She should tell, even when you’re away from home. Over time, word of your new arrangement will get out and be accepted; if friends don’t accept it, then they’re not likely to be friends long, nor are they likely to be the friends you want anyway. In a Female-led marriage you, the man, are likely to gain a new set of friends, many of whom are also in various stages of an FLR. My personal situation was exactly this – male friends drifted away as a result of Nancy and my relationship, but i gained an entire new set of friends who respect and even envy our lifestyle choice.
Hope this helps, but if you have any other questions or comments, please let us
know AND make sure that you do reveal your lifestyle choice to your friends, relatives, and co-workers. Your doing so will not only benefit you but it will also encourage others to consider this wonderful lifestyle.
know AND make sure that you do reveal your lifestyle choice to your friends, relatives, and co-workers. Your doing so will not only benefit you but it will also encourage others to consider this wonderful lifestyle.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
(Longtime blog reader and commenter “Zardoz” is the devoted and dutiful husband in a Female Supremacist household in the UK. The rest of the family consists of daughter and son and the woman Zardoz variously addresses as “Boss,” “Goddess,” or simply “Ma’am.” I am happy to report that Zardoz has agreed to provide us occasional glimpses into what he considers this “utterly blissful lifestyle.” As with the guest posts from dennis, I have not altered Zardoz’ preferred Female Supremacist/Feminist styles styles of spelling and capitalization.—Mark Remond)
Recently we had a little change of routine at our house. It was decided that the Daughter of the house was old enough to stay up later. She is a year younger than her brother, but he will keep to his bedtime unless he is needed by me to help with chores.
Here’s how it works. Say we are all watching TV together (as we often do). At a certain time of Her choosing, my Wife will just clap Her hands and say, “Okay, boys to bed.” It’s understood that the Females will stay up.
My son was at first indignant and at having to go to bed earlier than his younger sister, and I must say that I, too, was a bit miffed. But of course I tried not to show it and undermine my Wife's authority.
Later on in private, my Wife listened to my respectfully expressed reservations, then agreed that I would be allowed to stay up if I had household tasks that needed to be completed. Otherwise it was to be bedtime immediately for “both boys.”
As a result of this new routine, there are groans and plaintive pleas from our son to be able to finish watching a particular TV show. But he is told by the Females that they will record it or find it on other media so that he can watch it when he has more time.
It’s a funny feeling at first not being able to stay up as long as a child (and my own child, at that), but I think it sends a very good message to both our children about the respective positions of the sexes.
And it gives time for the Ladies to be together and discuss important things without males being about.
Indeed, I hear more and more that my Wife and Daughter have been discussing things and that they have decided on something.
Sometimes it’s presented as a “common front,” a consensus Female ruling. At other times it’s made explicit that the younger of the two has decided.
It’s good training on two counts: For my Daughter when She will have to lead a family of her own; and also for me and my son on how to be led by Females.
I agree with others here on the blog, that if this was reversed along traditional patriarchal lines, people would not question it because… well, because isn’t that the way things have always been?
By the way, there’s nothing at all sexual in any of this.
Postscript: Later, cuddling with my Goddess and listening to Magic FM, I think how peaceful and tranquil it is here in the love that She has created for all.
And then it’s time to tidy up and off to bed.