Sunday, July 20, 2014


No matter Her occupation, age, education, or political point-of-view, it’s a rare Woman who doesn’t love shoes, particularly high heels. Some men, for whatever reason, are inclined to criticize Women about wearing high heels and to trivialize their doing so. Women suspect that secretly men are envious of Women for their footwear options, which more than one Woman has told me is “part of the fun of being a girl.”

Men would be wise to try and understand the many shoe options Women have. Once they do, they, too, will be mesmerized by them. Only Women deserve the beauty, artistry, power, and sex appeal of their shoes. Whether the classic pump, the strappy sandal, a casual flat, or a contemporary platform, their shoes pay tribute to the superiority of Women.

With one exception, Women’s shoes are off limits to the lesser male gender. That exception? His having the privilege of caring for Her shoes. However, before we talk about caring for Her shoes, let’s cover a few points and dispel a myth or two:

Women have too many shoes – WRONG! Men are constantly telling Women that They have too many pairs of shoes. Men, as ever, are wrong! If anything, Women don’t have enough shoes!
§  Why the need for so many shoes? – Women’s shoes are an important fashion accessory. Women’s shoes come in an endless array of styles, colors, and heel heights. Shoes complement Her outfit,t and different shoes are required for different situations. She’s likely to wear a mid- to high-heel pump to the office, change into a strappy high-heel sandal for an evening out, wear espadrilles on a summer day, or boldly
wear a six-inch platform for an evening of clubbing. A formal event might dictate She buy a pair of sparkling pumps, shoes that – to me – always bring to mind the “magic slipper.” A magic, glittering pump that, incidentally, i greatly enjoy slipping onto the delicate foot of my lovely Wife!

§  Color is important, too. She needs a variety of colors to complement Her outfits. She’ll likely have black, red, white, navy, beige, ivory, gray, taupe, or yellow. Nancy has yellow pumps purchased to go with a single dress She has. And then there are patterns, textures, decorations, and so on that add even more permutations. One can see that She can quickly accumulate a large number of shoes.
§  And then there’s style. She needs a variety of styles – the classic closed pump, peep-toe, slingback, again to complement Her outfits. So, yes! She does need six pairs of black pumps!

§  Finally, let’s mention heel height. Low heels are generally less than two and a half inches; this is a typical office heel. Mid heels are about three inches, while high heels are three and a half inches and higher. Nancy refers to the latter as “power heels.”
§  So how many pairs of shoes does a Woman have? It varies, of course. Imelda Marcos had more than 2,000 pairs, but the Women we informally surveyed had at least 40, typically 80, with the highest number being 160 pairs. At last count Nancy had 140 pairs, Her Mother, Sue, well over 100 pairs.

i’ve been taking care of Nancy’s shoes for some time. My doing so was a task i proposed and set out to do. Now caring for Her shoes – and Her Mother’s – is a part of my repertoire of personal service. For me, it’s a pleasure and a privilege to do so, It’s exciting to enter the walk-in closet in Her boudoir and be faced with row upon row of Feminine footwear.

Here are some tips for taking care of your Wife’s shoes:

§  Be Organized – It’s your job to organize Her shoes so She can see what She has and can easily make selections. This may involve new shelves or, as in my case, it required that I vacate the closet so it could be remodeled to accommodate Nancy’s shoes.
§  Keep an Inventory – While it sounds geeky, i use a spreadsheet on my tablet computer to inventory Nancy’s shoes. i know what shoes She has, where each pair is located, and what condition they are in. i rate shoes as A, B, or C. “A” indicates new or nearly new shoes; these only need cleaning and polishing. “B” indicates serviceable but older shoes that may need more work, a scuff or a minor mechanical repair. “C” indicates shoes with a serious flaw
that She should discard and replace. I keep a list of shoes to be replaced and regularly share this with Nancy. Note: i do not discard shoes without Her permission! Nancy may discard “B” shoes but usually donates them as they are still serviceable. “C” shoes are discarded, but I have asked for and received permission to keep some of these as decorations. Women’s shoes are works or art, aren’t they? One pair of black 4 ½-inch pumps adorns bookends in my office; another pair of red, peep-toe, four-inch pumps, worn though they are, decorate my nightstand; things of beauty, both! BTW: No, i’m not posting my shoe-tracking spreadsheet!
§  Check and Inspect – i select an outfit for Nancy each evening that includes two to three pairs of shoes. i’ll look over each pair and make sure it is clean, in good repair, and shined before She makes a choice. Since Nancy often drives in a low-heel pump and carries high heels to change into at work, i make sure both pairs are flawless before She leaves. i’ll carry Her shoes downstairs the next day and assist Her with putting them on, particularly if the
shoes She’s chosen have a strap or buckle. This morning task is an enjoyable gesture of love and service. Never do I feel more that i’m worshipping my Wife than when i kneel before Her and put on Her shoes. It’s a little gesture we both love!
§  Check and Inspect – Again! When She returns home, i remove Her shoes and retrieve Her second par from Her totebag. i wipe off Her shoes and at least clean them with a soft cloth and leather conditioner before putting them back in their place. i note any scuffs and scrapes and treat with appropriate polish or dye. If the shoes are in need of a mechanical repair, i take them to a shoe repair shop near where i work. If the shoes are not repairable, they are downgraded to “C” and replaced. Nancy does not wear “C” shoes ever!
§  Keep Appropriate Supplies – Keep a collection of polishes, dyes, conditioners, clothes, brushes, etc., with which to take care of Her shoes. i often accompany Nancy and Her Mother shoe shopping – very exciting! When they make a purchase, i ask the salesperson for the appropriate dye and polish for the shoes just purchased. If the color isn’t available or if i don’t like the match, i’ll take the shoes to another shop to match the color needed. Generally, upscale shoe stores will have a wide array of shoe-care products to ensure you keep your Wife’s shoes looking their best.
§  Be Aware of Winter – Cleaning is particularly important in the winter months. Take extra steps in the form of a silicon spray on shoe seams and an extra waxing of the main body of the shoe. Boots are particularly challenging given that lower-rise boots may have decorative fur and the like that needs attention after wearing.

Women’s shoes are a work of art and a celebration of Femininity. Going shoe shopping is just as much a pleasure for me as it is for Nancy and Her Mother. Many men try to discourage Women from buying shoes; i hear it all the time. i’m the opposite, though; i encourage the Women to buy shoes, and when they do, they can be assured that i’ll take care of them – all of them – and derive great satisfaction in doing so!  May i suggest that progressive gentlemen consider adding shoe care – Hers! – to their repertoire of personal service?


Monday, July 14, 2014


Nancy, Sue and i hosted a party at our home for five Women who over the past two years have embarked on FLRs. Two of the husbands accompanied their Wives for the celebratory occasion.

It’s amazing and gratifying to see how far these couples have progressed in so short a time. The Women had 
achieved control over things like money and social activities. They had reporting, debriefing, and monitoring in place, too, something that we didn’t expect to see, at least not implemented to such an extent in such a relatively short time.

In all five instances, the Women had established and enforced strict household rules and had long since established schedules and routines for their husbands, all of which allowed them – the Women – to pursue other interests. None of the Women did any housework, as attested to by their perfectly manicured, glamour-length nails. Real women don’t do housework – but real men do! i was impressed that, in anticipation of serving at the
gathering, both of the attending husbands brought their aprons. Wearing an apron removes all doubt – if there ever was any – as to the man’s proper role.

In all five FLRs, the men were actively involved not only at home but socially, too. Hubbies were required – as atonement for patriarchy – to participate in a variety of outside-the-home activities in support of Women’s causes. In fact, three of the husbands volunteer regularly at the Women’s Center.

The bottom line was that everyone was very happy with the new order of things in these five households. And these Women are by no means done with their FLRs. There’s much more that they want to do and accomplish.


Tuesday, July 8, 2014


Nancy is up early every day and me with Her. She is an executive at Her company and typically has early morning meetings with staff, meaning She's at Her desk at 7:30. Add to this her nearly hour-long commute into the city and, well... My commute is all of ten minutes to make the four-mile trip to my work in a suburban business park. This is ideal since it allows me to balance a career with housekeeping and serving two wonderfully demanding Women.

Nancy's schedule and commute make me want to do as much for Her as i can. We're both fueled by coffee so the automatic coffee maker that Sue bought me for Christmas last year is a big help; it has good hot coffee waiting when i get to the kitchen. While Nancy showers and dresses, i take Her coffee and then prepare breakfast for both of us. While we're both tired we have some of our best conversations early in the morning, going over our plans for the day, providing each other advice, and sharing the paper.

There's a lot to do though:

§  Apron and slippers on, no exceptions – looking the part is a big part of personal service. Nancy rarely selects an apron, but i know to select one She'll like, one that shouts, “i'm here to serve You!” I have a lot of aprons to chose from.
§  Make and serve coffee, including filling Nancy's travel mug for Her commute. Good coffee gets a compliment and a smile; bad coffee gets brewed over and a scowl.
§  Pull together business attire – The evening before i will
have laid out business attire for Nancy, making sure that the items are clean, pressed, and in good order – no lose buttons of hanging hems. i 'll also add a scarf and select a blouse. It's rare that Nancy doesn't approve of what i've chosen, although She typically accessorizes my selections a bit. i think this is Her way of saying, “You're not perfect so i have to make some additions.” And She's right! Being able to confidently pick and pack is one of the big benefits i've gained from working at the women's boutique. Real-life skills gained while serving Women! (As i've noted in an earlier post, i'm sought after as an expert in Women's clothing by guys in the office who need a gift for a Wife or Girlfriend... When i'm doing the shopping, She gets the best.)
§  Manage Her tote bag – The evening before i'll make sure Her phone and tablet are charged and Her computer bag and tote are packed. Nancy typically drives in a low heel but changes to a “power” heel when She gets to the office, especially if She's having a meeting – the power of the pump is real! Her power pumps, a wrap, spare pantyhose, computer accessories, a makeup bag, some fruit for lunch, are all in the tote which i carefully manage for Her. i've learned what She needs and wants and make sure She has all these items. If She's anticipating an after-work business dinner, i'll make sure She has dress pantyhose – ultra sheer, black, seams – and definitely a dressier pair of shoes, a matching necklace and earrings – something dangling? – and maybe a little black dress.
§  If She's going out of town on business i will have packed Her bag with what She needs. Business attire, one or two of Her many little black dresses if She's planning on business dinners. Pumps for day and strappy sandals for evening. If She's headed where it's warm, i'll include a bikini, wrap, and espadrilles so She can enjoy the pool.
§  Serve Her coffee as She dresses; i hover near but a respectable distance away as She dresses in case She needs help with a zipper or an errant necklace; i'm Her chambermaid to use – a throwback to the Edwardian era, a wonderful time of personal service. It's a time for Her to dress, but for us to talk, too.
§  Once She's dressed and made up, i'll walk Her downstairs, carrying Her jacket and shoes and then seat Her at the breakfast table.
§  Make and serve breakfast. We talk a lot at breakfast, but despite our conversation, i never lose sight of my role, that of service. She generally has a light breakfast and, of course, i serve Her before I join Her, as i always do. Today i made Her a small omelet to order as She read the paper. We discussed some of the front-page stories as well as some of the business articles.
§  Breakfast over, Nancy gets up and sits on a chair in the family room – that says it's time for Her to go but not before we complete a little ritual that i long ago suggested and that She has embraced and loves. Seated on a chair in the family room Nancy awaits my coming to kneel before Her to gently cradle Her foot and put on Her shoes, buckling each if needed. i rise, She stands and accepts the kiss i always place on Her hand. She's not supposed to say “Thank you,” but She always does – i love Her so much!
§  i escort Her to Her car, making sure everything She needs
is in the car and, after an affectionate kiss, She's off. Off as She says, “To raise hell in the business world as only a Woman can.” And raise hell Nancy does; i like to imagine the intimidating sound of two pairs of high heels in the marble floored hallway as Nancy and Her Assistant go to the day’s first meeting!

i'm off, too, but to the kitchen – lots to do before i leave for work; homemaking comes first and i have a very demanding task list yet to accomplish, so...

§  It's off to the kitchen to clean up after breakfast and put together a light breakfast for the still-sleeping (thankfully! She can be very demanding!) Sue. Cereal and fruit plate with juice and a pot of coffee do the trick, and an eye opener will help – usually a mixed drink of my choosing. It's all placed on a silver serving tray with linen napkins and delivered to the sitting room outside Her boudoir. I work quietly to avoid disturbing Sue, then leave Her a note asking Her to call me if She needs anything or if She'll be expecting company; if She is, my duties will change so i want to be aware so I can meet Her expectations.
§  i return to our bedroom with my try to collect Nancy's coffee cup and a glass; everything on a tray, remember? Even one coffee comes and goes on a tray, and it does so even if i'm working alone without supervision.
§  i tend to Nancy's nightgown, depositing it in the laundry. i'll look it over for any necessary repairs after it’s washed and before it's returned to Her closet.
§  Next, dress the bed. A seemingly simple task, but getting it just right is another matter. Thankfully, all that time working in housekeeping at the hotel has made me an expert bed maker!
§  And, of course, i tend to the bathroom, making sure it's clean.
§  Light cleaning with the feather duster flying around the
bedroom. A little cleaning here and there makes thorough cleaning days all that much easier.
§  i check the living room to make sure everything is in order. Clean ashtrays, filled candy dishes, organized liquor cabinet, TV remotes within easy reach, clean floors. If the floor needed vacuuming, i'll opt for a whisk broom at this early hour but will likely return over lunch to use the vacuum cleaner and do a proper cleaning.

This done, i'm now free to leave for work. Apron comes off and is placed on the peg in the kitchen; Sue will likely pick a new one, sending this one off on the laundry and ironing cycle. Sue often has me in three to four aprons a day; but i love to iron and the satin aprons with their elaborate lace decoration are both a challenge and a pleasure. Another reason that ironing is a pleasure is because they conjure images of Joan standing over me while i ironed elaborate aprons, blouses, and skirts, ever ready to apply corrective measures to ensure perfection. Ah, such fond memories!

My day has just begun. There is much more personal service to be rendered, at work, during lunch, and this evening. It seems like a lot, but it is deeply satisfying – serving Women that is...


Sunday, June 22, 2014


My Wife considers personal service as one of the four tenets of a Female Led Relationship, the others being domestic service, obedience, and atonement. What is personal service? Looking after the needs of one's Wife, pampering Her, serving Her; it's an obvious form of adoration, of worship. Housework is not personal service, although it is often conducted in parallel to it.

In our home personal service has rules and rituals, rooted in the tradition of Nancy's family. A student of social history, Nancy's mother has patterned personal service after the servants of the Golden Age of opulence, the Edwardian period. In the Edwardian home the Ladies of the house would manage and be tended to by maids, butlers, chauffeurs, and ladies in waiting. In our home the Women have only me, so i assume all these roles with all the protocol they entail. Personal service entails my serving the Women, driving them, greeting their Guests, and, in the case of my Wife, managing Her wardrobe. There are rules and rituals around personal service, and, of course, there is a need for unquestioning obedience and flawless adherence to proper protocol.

So, what does a progressive gentleman do all day? Well, i'm a homemaker – it's what i tell anyone who asks – but i also work outside the home at a professional occupation. Having to balance both work and housekeeping, i have to be organized and efficient. The Ladies won't do housework – out of the question – but they have arranged jobs and training for me that have made me more efficient. It's a lot of work – a seven-day-a week job to be sure – but it's very rewarding and gives real purpose to my life. On-weekdays the evenings are the busiest part of my day; i arrive home at 3:30 every day and for at least the next six hours will look after Nancy and her Mother, Sue, and undertake a regimen of housework.

On a typical day i arrive home and have ten minutes to change and present myself to Sue ready to serve; there's a lot to do and ten minutes isn't a lot of time. First, men aren't allowed to wear shoes in the house so i have to remove my shoes before entering and put them away. My business attire and briefcase have to be disposed of accordingly; clothes in the closet or laundry, briefcase put away – there's no time for outside work! Then I get into a pair of khakis and a shirt and head for the kitchen where I find the apron that Sue has hung for me to wear. I choose a coordinating pair of black ballet slippers and then put on the satin apron, squaring it away. I prepare a gin and tonic for Sue; this initial drink is always my choice, but it's wise for me to vary the drinks and be mindful of Her preferences. i place it on my tray along with cigarettes, ashtrays, linen napkins, and a bell, and it's off to present myself to Sue. Everything (!) is served from a tray!

Sue is at our pool reading and enjoying some bikini time; despite Her age, She wears a bikini well. I genuflect before the Matriarch of our family and place the bell and the drink on the table in front of Her. She declines a cigarette and criticizes my being slow. Aside from asking what went on in the office – my daily debriefing – and letting me know what She’s started for dinner, She says little. I'm a servant here, and She never lets me forget that. i stoop and bow as i leave, headed for the kitchen and then to check on dinner and set the table.

It's my responsibility to set the table. i select the china, flatware and linen and add an appropriate centerpiece and place candles. As i'm checking on dinner i hear Sue's bell and respond to Her. She informs me that Nancy is on Her way home and is going clubbing; Sue will be joined by Her friend Betty for dinner. I check my journal to refresh myself as to Betty's preferences so that i may properly server Her. Dinner is cooking, the table is set, and Nancy has yet to
arrive home, so i grab my cleaning caddy, feather duster, and vacuum and busy myself cleaning the living room. i pick up glasses, change the ashtrays, place new matchbooks, refill the candy dish, spot clean a carpet stain, inspect around and under the sofa cushions, rearrange the decorative pillows, and send my feather duster flying around the furniture, making sure not to miss anything since anything less than perfection just isn't tolerated. I think back to Nancy's Grandmother, Joan, my demanding trainer, who always told me that She loved “seeing the feather duster fly!”

Nancy has arrived, so I run to greet my Queen in the garage. I'm excited to see Her but She's indifferent, obviously preoccupied with the evening She's planned. “Get my bag,” She commands. “Yes, Dear,” i respond. “Don't give me that Dear shit,” She says. “Yes, Ma'am,” i respond as I follow my rushed Queen into the house. She kicks off Her heels, ordering me to “pick them up!” and heads out to speak with Her Mother. i check on dinner while They talk. Nancy reappears and tossing Her jacket on a chair, orders me to, “pick that up!” I follow Her upstairs where She steps out of Her skirt, throwing it on the bed while ordering me to pick it up too – She doesn't have to remind me but She does; it loudly clarifies our relative roles. Wearing only pantyhose and a bra She enters Her closet looking for something to wear but doesn't have the patience, so She orders me to pick something out as She heads for the shower. Taking off Her pantyhose She throws them at me, ordering me to “check these, I think they have a run.” I've laid out a little black dress and matching high-heeled sandals. Nancy is not happy with my selection. “I'm not going to a convent!” She
yells, throwing the dress and shoes. She emerges from the closet with a red club dress, 3" platform sandals, and a pair of red thong panties. Nancy's obviously rushed. i ask if She'd like a drink. “Gin and tonic,” She says, adding, “It should have already been here.” i get her the drink and check on dinner. Nancy does Her make-up and selects Her jewelry, filigree earrings, an assortment of rings, and a necklace. The doorbell rings; i'm expecting Betty but it's Nancy's Girlfriend; they'll be clubbing together this evening. Both Women are absolutely stunning in their club-wear.

With Nancy gone, i again check on Sue and do some cleaning. Sue's gone to Her suite to change for dinner. There's also ironing to do, so i set up the ironing board, looking forward to this most enjoyable chore – i love to iron! The doorbell rings, it's Betty. i greet Her, take Her wrap, and tell Her how happy i am to see Her. From my journal i know She loves knitting, so I ask Her what project She's now doing. She inquires so i tell Her about my own meager attempts at needlecraft. i invite Her to be seated – "Will Madame like to be seated?" i inquire. She loves the treatment i give Her probably because She gets too little of it at home; we're trying to change that though.

i seat Sue and Betty at the dining room table and get Betty a Manhattan, a drink i know She likes. i serve dinner, remaining on call listening for the bell, but periodically
checking on the Women. i'll eat after the Women are settled with desserts and after-dinner drinks; i never eat with guests unless specifically invited and that is infrequent. Once dinner is done, i take the Women's drinks on my tray and seat them in the living room. i serve desserts and return to clean up after dinner, periodically checking but always listening for the bell indicating that the Women need something. It rings twice, once for a refill of coffee and another time when Betty wants a cigarette lit – responding is my pleasure and i tell Betty so. She's not used to being served and likes to visit just to experience my service – flattering indeed but something She should be getting at home, too.

With the Women settled, i tend to Sue's suite – a Mother-in-law suite that Nancy and Sue added to our home when the Women decided Sue would move in with us. i clean, dust, vacuum, clean the toilet and shower, and pick up clothing and shoes, change the bed linens. my work as a housekeeper at the hotel has taught me some professional secrets that really come in handy in my daily work. i turn down Sue's bed, leave the lamp on, place Her romance novel within reach, and leave a nightcap for Her enjoyment. i select a peignoir with matching Malibu slippers for Her; She's given me the privilege of doing so this evening.

A car pulls up outside; it's Betty's ride. i get Her wrap and escort Her to the car. In the short time it takes to help Betty, Sue has gone to Her suite, leaving me to focus on housework. i'm going to be busy for the next hour, which will cut into my personal time, but i realize it's not personal time unless all the work is done. i busy myself with redoing the living room, packing the dishwaing toilets. i return upstairs to take care of Nancy's jacket and skirt; i steam clean both items and fix a button on Her jacket before hanging them in Her closet ready for Her to wear again. i discard Her pantyhose, the runner She mentioned being very obvious. i inspect and clean Her shoes, returning them to Her closet ready for Her to wear again. i'd like to take some personal time but can't resist doing the ironing; ironing is as relaxing as knitting. As i iron, Sue comes in wearing the peignoir i selected earlier – She is a devastating Woman; for a brief moment i envy Her boyfriends. She surprises me by bringing me a drink! Indeed a privilege and we talk as i finish the ironing. When the
ironing is done, Sue lights up a cigarette and offers me one – i'm greatly appreciative of Her gesture and tell Her so repeatedly as i enjoy each draw on the 120 mm menthol cigarette She's given me. She laughs, promising me, “tomorrow I'll make up for it by being a real Bitch.” And tomorrow will tell that She will, but i enjoy the moment and tomorrow will love Her just the same...

Nancy's still out clubbing and will be for another hour – She has a tough job and needs to relax. i shower, lay out my clothes for the next day as well as a business suit and shoes for Nancy and then retire for the night; another satisfying day in the life of a progressive gentleman who's life is centered on two demanding but deserving Women. It starts again tomorrow at 6:00 AM


Wednesday, June 18, 2014


A faithful reader has sent me a couple of literary morsels that are beautifully descriptive of what we now call a Female Led Relationship. I was reminded that my very first blog posting back in January of 2007 (“RLS and the Enchanted Isle”) dealt with a similarly provocative passage in a short story by Robert Louis Stevenson:

“...Harry was transferred to the feminine department, where his life was little short of heavenly. He was always dressed with uncommon nicety, wore delicate flowers in his button-hole, and could entertain a visitor with tact and pleasantry. He took a pride in servility to a beautiful woman; received Lady Vandeleur's commands as so many marks of favour; and was pleased to exhibit himself before other men in his character of male lady's-maid and man milliner. Nor could he think enough of his existence from a moral point of view. Wickedness seemed to him an essentially male attribute, and to pass one's days with a delicate woman, and principally occupied about trimmings, was to inhabit an enchanted isle among the storms of life.” (From New Arabian Nights, "Story of the Bandbox")

I didn’t stop with RLS. Three months later I featured a passage from Charles Dickens’ Little Dorrit (“A Bit of Dickens”), describing Dorrit’s vain and lovely older sister, Miss Fanny, who ensnares the luckless Sparkler:

“…Mr. Sparkler entered on an evening of agony. .. But he had two consolations at the close of the performance. [Miss Fanny] gave him her fan to hold while she adjusted her cloak, and it was his blessed privilege to give her his arm down-stairs again. These crumbs of encouragement, Mr. Sparkler thought, would just keep him going; and it is not impossible that [Miss Fanny] thought so too... Mr. Sparkler put on another heavy set of fetters over his former set, as he watched her radiant feet twinkling down the stairs beside him.”

To be sure, whole shelves of period literature, English and European, celebrate the ideals of courtly love, and we need look no farther than Shakespeare. Sonnet 57:

“Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?”

Unmentioned by me, until now, are the worshipful sexual predilections of Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Here is an oft-cited passage from his autobiographical Confessions:

“To fall at the feet of an imperious mistress,
obey her mandates, or implore pardon, were for me the most exquisite enjoyments, and the more my blood was inflamed by the efforts of a lively imagination the more I acquired the appearance of a whining lover.”

And now to the selections of my anonymous and highly literate reader. He begins with John Ruskin’s Sesame and Lilies (from Lecture II—“Lilies of Queens’ Gardens”):

"… In all Christian ages which have been remarkable for their purity or progress, there has been absolute yielding of obedient devotion, by the lover, to his mistress. I say OBEDIENT;—not merely enthusiastic and worshipping in imagination, but entirely subject, receiving from the beloved woman, however young, not only the encouragement, the praise, and the reward of all toil, but, so far as any choice is open, or any question difficult of decision, the DIRECTION of all toil.

"That chivalry, to the abuse and dishonour of which are attributable primarily whatever is cruel in war, unjust in peace, or corrupt and ignoble in domestic relations; and to the original purity and power of which we owe the defence alike of faith, of law, and of love; that chivalry, I say, in its very first conception of honourable life, assumes the subjection of the young knight to the command— should it even be the command in caprice—of his lady. It assumes this, because its masters knew that the first and necessary impulse of every truly taught and knightly heart is this of blind service to its lady: that where that true faith and captivity are not, all wayward and wicked passion must be; and that in this rapturous obedience to the single love of his youth, is the sanctification of all man’s strength, and the continuance of all his purposes. And this, not because such obedience would be safe, or honourable, were it ever rendered to the unworthy; but because it ought to be impossible for every noble youth—it IS impossible for every one rightly trained—to love any one whose gentle counsel he cannot trust, or whose prayerful command he can hesitate to obey.

“I do not insist by any farther argument on this, for I think it should commend itself at once to your knowledge of what has been and to your feeling of what should be. You cannot think that the buckling on of the knight’s armour by his lady’s hand was a mere caprice of romantic fashion. It is the type of an eternal truth— that the soul’s armour is never well set to the heart unless a woman’s hand has braced it; and it is only when she braces it loosely that the honour of manhood fails…”

Amen, Mr. Ruskin, and thank you, my Anonymous friend. But he followed up with an inflammatory sentence from a Medieval poem by Bernard de Ventadorn:

"She would do a wrong if she did not invite me to come to the place where she undresses, so that I may be at her command, next to her, at the edge of the bed, and I would take off her graceful slippers, on my knees and humble, if it pleased her to extend to me her feet.”

And, voilĂ , we are full circle, back at Robert Louis Stevenson’s celebration of “servility to a beautiful woman…”


Tuesday, June 10, 2014


AW (commenting on dennis’ post, LEADERSHIP WEARS HIGH HEELS!:

Just wanted to share that this blog has been inspirational. I'm not sure I agree with it all, but it has made me think, and I am trying very hard to properly worship my wife. I always thought I did, but after really trying, it is amazing how often I forget myself and put my needs before hers, in conversations and in deeds. It's tougher than it sounds! But it really feels right, and I will continue to try my hardest. I think she is enjoying it too, and our relationship has always had that kind of dominance anyway, but I was just surprised at how much more I had to learn.

Anyway. thanks for the inspiration. I look forward to keeping up with your and other blogs on the lifestyle.

PS: An interesting conundrum here, I don't think my wife would appreciate me sharing this, so I am anonymous and feeling a bit guilty for now, but we'll see if I gather the courage to bring it up with her in the future!

dennis responds:

aw, your sentiments concerning Worshiping your Wife are indeed real and valid. Getting into the lifestyle is something that takes time and effort on your part and acceptance on the part of your Wife. She is the one who will ultimately determine the facets of your relationship – accept what She says!

Nevertheless, you can move things forward by doing little things for Her and seeing how She responds. This is how my relationship with Nancy evolved. So many of the things i do for Her, weren't suggested by Nancy at all; rather, i started doing something for Her that She enjoyed or that was beneficial and just kept on doing it. Taking care of Her shoes, for example, or the little stoop and bow that i do as a show of respect. Now these things are a part of the dynamic of our relationship. They are no longer a courtesy but, rather, something expected.

you note that “it is amazing how often I forget myself and put my needs before hers, in conversations and in deeds.” This is natural, particularly early in a relationship; men are conditioned this way and it's essential that you change such behaviors. While you should make a mental note to defer to Her, actions speak louder than words. Defer to Her in conversation; ask for Her views; agree with Her; immediately do what She says, compliment Her; listen to Her responses! Listening is VERY important; Women want to be listened to, but men rarely do this. The Women in Nancy's family gave me an invaluable piece of advice when they told me i should “Shut up and listen.” i've learned a lot by listening, whether the Women are speaking to me or not. By listening you learn about Her likes, dislikes, wants, and needs. With this knowledge you can do more for Her and move your relationship along. And by listening, you're telling Her what She's saying is important; by keeping quiet, you're telling that what you have to say isn't. This is confirming exactly what She feels. And it's a powerful demonstration of who's in charge of the relationship!

i'm not sure how far your Wife will take your relationship, but most Women love the dynamic of an FLR and will eventually start moving things forward. Nancy and i are well along in our relationship; Nancy is quite authoritative and that's how we both like it. No “please and thank you” on Her part, just an order or an expectation met with a energetic, “Yes, Ma'am.” It's the reality of our life together, and that's how we like it! Nancy loves giving orders and i love taking them; now that's real worship, to our way of thinking! Men outside an FLR don't understand; those inside do, and those contemplating an FLR are excited at the prospect!

Good luck!