Friday, October 10, 2014
Picking an Iron: Just like a golfer takes pride in the tools of Her hobby – Her clubs (including irons!) – so, too, do i take pride in the tool of my hobby – my iron! Pick an iron carefully; there are many good models available, so shop around. Look at them in the store, pick them up and see what is comfortable. Go through the ironing motions and see how it feels.
As far as ironing ease goes, i feel that an iron with a stainless-steel base performs better than one with a cheaper aluminum base. You can spend a little or a lot, but you definitely get what you pay for in an iron. Expect to pay at least $100 for a good model; mine cost $130. What you spend in dollars you’ll get back in terms of ironing ease and features.
And do speak with other progressive gentleman about ironing; ask them about their choice of irons, consider sharing and borrowing as a test run before you buy. i say before you buy, since most of the progressive gentlemen i know are permitted by their wives to buy their own iron. It’s interesting to buy an iron in a store, especially if you are accompanied by a Woman. Even though the progressive gentleman might ask questions about an iron, the clerk invariably looks to the Woman with the answer and sales pitch. Nancy had to repeatedly tell the clerk that “he” (meaning “me!”) does the ironing, so answer him.” Eventually the saleswoman caught on and liked the idea of a man using an iron. Old patriarchal behaviors do die hard, but people need to learn that, in the new order of things, men do – and will – iron.
(Note: See also Nancy & dennis: “My New Iron,” Sept. 21, 2012)
Additional Thoughts on Ironing as a Gentlemanly Skill:
In the first of this two-part posting, i provided a checklist of things to consider, but there is a great deal more to be learned if a gentlemen is to become truly accomplished at the ironing board. Some of this can come from numerous o-line sources, some from knowledgeable Women – as was my case – and some from experience.
By coincidence, i recently received an email from Jane, a Woman in charge of “domestic education” at the Women’s Center where i volunteer. She’s thinking about doing a multiple-session ironing course for men that would include hands-on instruction as well as extensive practicum. Ironing is already taught in the Center’s Housekeeping 101 course, but a specialized course makes sense since ironing is definitely one thing that most Women would like to see their husbands do better.
i’m all in favor of the idea and am working with Jane to come up with a curriculum. A practicum will be easy – we’ll simply have Women bring in their ironing for students to work on - under strict supervision, of course, to ensure that none of the loaned items are damaged.
Some progressive gentlemen in our number are increasingly open about their FLR lifestyle. These are the gentlemen who, like me, routinely volunteer at the Women’s Center, attend our Women’s-Centered congregation, or those who have a fulfilled relationship with a strong-willed Woman. Unfortunately these gentlemen sometimes endure whispered words intended to degrade such involvements as “sissy,” “pantywaist,” “wimp,” “pussywhipped,” and so on.
It’s unfortunate that the narrow-minded perpetrators of such insults don’t see that the future is feminine and that when gentlemen embrace such new roles, they are pointing the direction of society. But perhaps we at whom such comments are directed should not consider them derogatory, but complimentary! i never thought of my domestic service as making me a “sissy,” but if one looks at the standard definition of sissy as a “man who violates or does not meet the standard male gender role,” then, yes, i am a sissy and damn proud of it! And if surrendering my ill-granted and undeserved male authority to Women makes me a “pantywaist,” then i embrace that term, too. i passionately embrace the role of progressive gentlemen, but never that of the patriarchal male. In fact, i’ll do my damnedest to undermine the patriarchal male!
The Center is always looking to do things that benefit Women while affording men an opportunity to serve and – dare i say – atone for patriarchy. To this end, the Center now has an opportunity to acquire a now closed laundromat and is considering running a drop-off laundry service for Women. male volunteers would staff the service under the supervision of one or more of the Center’s staff. The Center would charge Women a nominal fee for the service, which would be used to cover costs and provide another source of revenue for programs. Carol, my Boss Lady at work, is very supportive of the idea and announced that working at the laundromat would count toward the service hours that male employees are encouraged to earn as our company’s support of the Center.
Good idea, don’t you think?
Ironing is an essential male function in an FLR. Of the FLR couples we know, men do all the ironing all the time. A man at the ironing board makes a powerful statement about a couple’s relationship. It totally divorces Her from a task that, done by a Woman, says patriarchy. He, on the other hand, has clearly taken on a task that establishes both his new role and points to Her authority.
Women generally hate to iron, but men, if introduced to the task, can learn to love it! Women see ironing as a patriarchy-imposed task while men see it as an important part of their new – and exciting role – as housekeepers.
guys! Here’s a business opportunity! If you’ve got some free time you might consider taking in ironing! With all the services on line there appears to be some demand. Women don’t like to iron and you do! Sooooo!
Women, whether in progressive relationships or not, feel men should have at least partial responsibility for ironing.
Women in progressive relationships feel that every man should own an iron and that it should be one of his own choosing.
While a Woman rightly wants to limit Her man’s spending, we advise that a top-of-the-line iron is a good investment in Her man’s ironing skills and efficiency. Limit his spending in other ways or consider having him purchase a new iron using his own money.
Where does a man do the ironing? Wherever She wants him to! You can restrict him to the solitude of the laundry room as does Linda, my friend tom’s Wife. Linda has a preference for tom’s household work being done out of sight, so much of tom’s housekeeping takes place when Linda is out or, in the case of ironing, behind the closed door of the laundry room. Nancy and Sue, on the other hand, often have me set up my ironing at one side of the living room in plain view of them and any guests. To have a man ironing while the Women watch TV or socialize is a powerful statement.
With the holidays fast approaching, consider that an iron makes a perfect gift for the progressive gentleman, and one that is right for any occasion! Things that allow him to do a job better or faster should be on the top of Your list for him.
Couples contemplating a housewarming, bachelor party or the like might consider giving an iron as a practical gift for the man of the relationship – and it also makes a powerful statement about the couple’s relative roles in the relationship. Incidentally, progressive gentlemen have bachelor parties that are more like Bridal showers of the past. The ones i’ve attended have been dignified, Woman-chaperoned affairs featuring fine china and crystal stemware.
Consider registering your man in the gift registry of a local department store. Register his china patterns, needed household items, small appliances (an iron!) to assist gift givers.
What’s on my list for Santa? A steam fabric press, like the ones used by dry cleaners.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Having recently published a collection of my own femdom fiction, I have found myself scanning the related titles grouped by Amazon on my product page—i.e., “Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed…” On the basis of a “Look inside,” I've purchased a half-dozen.
Some were good, some so-so, some extremely un-good, to be diplomatic. One, however, was terrific, worthy to go alongside the femdom tales of my friend William Gaius, whom I’ve mentioned here before, and the fiendishly erotic stories of Eosuchus, about whom I’ve also blogged.
The new book is Unexpected Present, a “femdom love story” by Ryan Peterson. I was instantly intrigued and charmed by my “Look Inside.” What’s this, I thought? The opening suggested a Christmas gift-exchange fable along the lines of O. Henry’s legendary “Gift of the Magi”—except instead of canceling each other out, the "Unexpected" love gift exchange promised to compound into a sizzling hot D/s voyage of discovery.
That promise is abundantly fulfilled as the story unfolds. There is lots of kinky experimentation, which drives the loving husband ever deeper into submission as the wife doubles down on her dominance. The ultimate effect, however, is to tighten the bonds of love and friendship along with the D/s bonds.
As the author confided to me later, “I was trying to write a story where the relationship (and love) between the two main characters was as important as the sex scenes.” In fact, for me, the sweet love scenes (with lots of “cuddle time”) made the torrid sex scenes even hotter.
Highly recommended and available in multiple ebook formats from, appropriately enough, SizzlerEditions. Get it early for a romantic and erotic Christmas present.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
i have always enjoyed serving Women and look for situations where i can do so, whether at home, at work, in a social setting, at the Boutique where i often help out, at the Women’s Center where i volunteer, or at the Woman-led congregation where i worship.
i absolutely enjoy serving Women! Women understand my feelings and accommodate me both to their – and especially my – satisfaction. And one of the keys to improving one’s service to Women is simply the desire to do a good job. my experience is that Women have always been willing to invest Their time and effort to teach me – or any man – a new domestic skill.
i am convinced that i enjoy housework today because of the good training that i had from both my Wife’s Grandmother, Joan, and Joan’s Mother, Sue. Their training not only taught me valuable domestic skills, essential to happiness in my life with Nancy, but also instilled a level of personal pride and dedication in performing those tasks. They schooled me on the finer points of many domestic tasks, of course, but one stands out and that is ironing.
i love to iron now, but when i was first told that i had to learn, i was inwardly hesitant. Ironing seemed complicated. my real fear wasn’t of doing more work – but, rather, that i would somehow fail at the task and not meet Joan’s expectations.
Confusing my hesitance with disobedience, Joan administered some “motivation” to the backs of my bare legs – Ouch! i explained my reservations to no avail. “Reservations of not,” She promised that not only would i learn to iron but that i’d have fun doing it. It was a promise that She was to keep!
Ironing lessons started immediately. As i stepped up to the ironing board, my trepidations melted! i was suddenly more than a little excited at the prospect of ironing; it was a lot like taking a seat in a sports car – i could hardly wait to start! She was right; ironing was going to be fun!
Joan taught me so many practical things:
- The workings of the ironing board
- The workings and settings of the iron
- Proper ironing motion and the importance of keeping the iron moving at all times; “ironing is flowing,” She’d say, “almost like performing a ballet!”
- How to read garment labels to ensure they were ironed on the correct setting; too low and there would be wrinkles; too high and a garment might scorch – in either of these undesirable situations there would be painful consequences for me!
- Organizing garments from lowest to highest iron setting both to be more efficient as well as reduce the possibility of scorching more delicate fabrics
- The importance of being organized by having enough hangers and of having the hanging rack open and near-by
- Sprays, starches, what they did, when to use them, and the importance of reading the wearer’s instructions as to whether She wanted starch or not – a protocol for the Women was to properly label their ironing so it was done as they wished.
- Inspect each garment to see if it needed buttons or other repairs; I was to set aside such items and tend to them; loose buttons on returned garments were not acceptable!
- Proper hanging and folding techniques
- Use of fragrances and sachets as a finishing touch
- The use and importance of a garment steamer in keeping garments like Women’s business suits looking good
Joan started me out on simple things like handkerchiefs and slips and, as i improved, She moved me on to more complex pieces. Before long i was doing lace-trimmed blouses and pleated skirts – i love such challenging pieces! At first She stood over me through every step, but as my skills improved, She’d leave me at the board and come back periodically to check my progress.
She demanded perfection. Things that weren’t up to Her standards had to be done over and likely merit a little of Her painful brand of “motivation.” Do things right though and She just might – just might! – invite me to have a cigarette with Her!
When Joan felt i was sufficiently skilled, She arranged for me to do ironing for Her Sisters and a few of Her Friends. They would bring over a basket of ironing and often stay and chat over coffee while i worked. They always involved me in their conversations, although i heeded the advice that the Women in Nancy’s family always gave men – “Shut up and listen!” i learned a lot by listening. The Women were indeed wise, and it was obvious why each of them was in charge of Her respective household.
Ironing quickly went from being a chore to being a hobby. Today i love coming home and seeing a basket or two of ironing for me to do. i don’t view it as part of my housekeeping but something to be enjoyed during my personal time.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Nancy’s original Obedience post (“Toward a Lifelong Female-Led Marriage: Obedience” ) was directed at Women. This post is a refresher of sorts and is directed at men.
Obedience, it’s the first and most important of the four tenets of an FLR. It is the key to domestic bliss! Obey your Wife without hesitation and you can expect domestic tranquility and happiness. Disobey Her and there will likely be unpleasant consequences.
In workshops we conduct for couples embarking on an FLR we encourage Women to demand obedience and put the necessary structures in place to get it. Why? Well, there are a number of reasons:
First, Women are intellectually and emotionally superior to men. They are also more benevolent in their leadership. Women are the superior sex and deserve to be in control.
Second, men behave better when specific rules and responsibilities are put in place for them to follow – men love structure and Women should give it to them.
Third, Women are increasingly in charge in the business world. Why should they surrender
their considerable and expanding authority when they return home? They shouldn’t! Rather they should carry their workplace authority seamlessly into their home life.
their considerable and expanding authority when they return home? They shouldn’t! Rather they should carry their workplace authority seamlessly into their home life.
Fourth, households run smoother with Women in charge, and tranquil households are what we all want.
Fifth, and i know i will be criticized for this, but we firmly believe that men – today’s men – have to atone for patriarchy’s ill-gotten gains; obedience to Women and complete respect for their authority are a good start on the road to atonement...
Couples contemplating an FLR know this and understand that in such a relationship She makes the decisions, controls the money, sets the social agenda, assigns the chores, makes the rules and enforces them. his job? Simply to obey! Her decisions are not subject to debate; they are final! Women relish the leadership role and in our experience don’t hesitate to press their innate authority. Many men, on the other hand, conditioned by patriarchy, have some hesitation when initially confronted with a suddenly demanding Wife. She needs to quell his hesitation.
Here are some things for Women and enlightened gentlemen to do, based on my own experiences in Nancy’s family where Her Grandmother, Joan, and Mother, Sue, and others conditioned me to the need for obedience:
Wear an apron; it’s practical in many ways but also calls out his subservient status; Joan
admonished me to wear a “pretty” apron as it multiplied the impact. My wearing an apron has been mandatory from the start.
admonished me to wear a “pretty” apron as it multiplied the impact. My wearing an apron has been mandatory from the start.
Use honorifics. Ma’am is always acceptable; “Yes, Ma’am” is one of my favorite sayings, one that excites me and honors the Woman to whom it is directed. Make it your business to learn Women’s preferences for address and use them. Or men can experiment by using different honorifics: “My Queen,” “Madame,” “Lady” with Her last name (i.e., “Lady Gannon”) come to mind. All convey deference and respect and acknowledge the higher status of Women. Progressive gentlemen report excitement in using such terms.
Don’t limit the use of honorifics; i recommend “Ma’am” when addressing any Woman, at home of course, but also in public and at work. “Good morning, Ma’am”; “Yes, Ma’am.” These show respect and courtesy. “Ma’am” works well in all situations, and i would use it exclusively outside the home.
"Hear and do": The Women in Nancy’s family initially put me in situations where i was always getting requests or told to do things. Joan called it “Hear and do,” and it was great training. It taught me to hear a request, acknowledge it, and carry it out; and it taught me to love taking orders. While i understand that it’s not at all practical to constantly get orders from the Women, my doing so, especially during this initial period, made it second nature.
Set up rules. As noted above, it’s just not practical for Women to constantly be giving direction. In Nancy’s family we have an elaborate set or protocols and schedules that prescribe what i should be doing and how things are to be done. There’s a day to do ironing, laundry, and grocery shopping and a documented way that things should be done. Things happen automatically with little imposition on the Women. Obedience isn’t just listening to what She orders. It’s also following the protocols She has prescribed. With deference to Her, work with your Wife to develop similar rules. It will lighten or eliminate Her burden in managing your work.
Listen to Her. This doesn’t mean obeying Her – men know to do that – but rather to quietly listen to Her conversations – with permission, of course, no snooping! Women’s conversation should be regarded as private unless you are informed otherwise! But by listening to Her you can anticipate Her needs and move to fulfill them before She asks – now that’s obedience! And fantastic personal service, too! If, for example, She says She’s thirsty, you can rush to get Her favorite drink. Beyond this, listening to Her will help you learn Women’s perspectives and opinions and thus be a better man.
For Women: There are things that a Woman should be doing to ensure that Her husband is an obedient and acquiescent spouse:
Instruct him – make sure he understands Your expectations and any protocols You’ve established.
NEVER say “Please,” Ladies! You are entitled to have Your requests fulfilled and he is privileged to fulfill them. And there’s absolutely no need for “thank you” once Your request is filled.
Set up household rules as above. Complying with the rules is the same as his complying with Your orders, and it’s far less burdensome to You. If it’s in the rules and he doesn’t comply then, consequences are due.
Raise Your voice. It helps to periodically reestablish Your authority by raising Your voice. Nancy and Sue do this from time to time to keep me on my toes. Learn to love releasing Your ‘inner Bitch.” men love Bitches – be one!
Exercise Your authority. Have him do things because You can. Give him an opportunity to serve you – men LOVE serving Women! Nancy and Her Mother periodically send me on little excursions. Going across town for a specific brand of cigarettes at 3:00 a.m., for example...
Finally, there’s a little sheet with phrases on it that serve as thoughtful reminders. Nancy’s Grandmother, Joan, dictated them to me years ago as reminders that I could post in key places. Today i have them on a small sheet of pink paper as She instructed and place them on mirrors, on my phone, on my computer. As She ordered i recite these phrases a few times a day, as a tribute to Joan. Here they are:
§ She says, you do!
§ She commands, you comply!
§ She decides, you abide!
§ She rules, you obey!
§ She speaks, you listen!
§ She requests, you fulfill!
§ She instructs, you learn!
§ She orders, you acquiesce!
§ She leads, you follow!
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Nancy and i recently renewed our wedding vows. We have done this twice before when She decided the evolution of our relationship necessitated putting it on a new plateau of shared understanding, both to ourselves and to the congregation. We were members of another congregation but left because that group was male-led and very parochial in its conduct. We want spirituality in our lives but not at the expense of compromising our beliefs as expressed in the workings of our Female-led marriage.
Our new congregation is a significant departure from the old. We are members of a group that worships Female deities and explores the Divine Feminine. Our congregation looks on all Women as Goddesses, worthy of male respect, homage, and worship. Our approach to spirituality is refreshingly broad and has us exploring and incorporating a variety of beliefs. We seek to use scripture that rewrites traditional Biblical passages with Female references. In-depth references to the Divine Feminine in scripture interpretation can easily be found on-line.
Women hold all positions of authority and leadership within our congregation. Any Woman joining is a full member and, with appropriate instruction, can rise to be Priestesses, those Who lead worship services. Above the Priestesses are the Elders of our congregation. They are all Women Who have exhibited wisdom and understanding and Who are respected by all in the congregation; Nancy’s Mother Sue is an Elder. When the Elders speak, everyone listens!
Elders conduct discussions, ceremonies, and rituals and, in addition, serve on the Council of Wise Women to which members – including men – may bring issues, questions, and disputes for consideration, or may simply seek advice and discussion. The Council sits as needed with most issues heard by a panel of three to seven Wise Women.
There are strict rituals associated with bringing issues to the Wise Women for their consideration. In bringing an issue to the Elders all parties agree to fully accept the decision of the Wise Women; there is no appeal process. And acceptance of that decision means the recommended solutions must be implemented. The Elders usually deliberate on the items brought before them, so one cannot expect an immediate answer; a response may take hours, days, or weeks. Whenever the Wise Women arrive at a decision, the parties bringing it are summoned to hear the disposition provided. The Council of Wise Women also sits as an administrative authority managing the congregation’s day-to-day business.
While men are most welcome to worship in our congregation, they must be sponsored by a Female member and likely will not be elevated to positions of authority. men are to be respectful and courteous at all times. There are numerous protocols in play that are taught men by their sponsoring Woman. men are, for example, to use appropriate honorifics, and these differ from those that might be used outside the congregation – “Ma’am” isn’t used here! men are permitted to speak only when spoken to, and are not allowed to speak at all for their first year in the congregation. men are also expected to financially support the congregation with weekly contributions as well as making appropriate contributions when receiving special services such as submitting a question to the Council of Wise Women.
Our vow-renewal ceremony was conducted in the presence of the congregation and was brief.
At the altar i knelt before my wife and kissed her hand as a sign of reverence, referring to her as “my Goddess.” Then i said, “Dear Nancy, i promise to love You, to honor You, to worship Uou, and to obey You.” I continued, “i recognize You as my divine Goddess, the center of my life. You are infallible and beyond fault. All that i have and all that i am is Yours.”
i remained kneeling as Nancy said, “You have pledged yourself to Me and the Divine Goddess. You promise your obedient devotion.”
A wedding ring was handed to Nancy, and she slipped it onto my finger, saying, “With this ring you become Mine as you have asked. I promise to love you and guide you and in so doing, better us both”.
She then added, “Woman is the ruler of the world. She is infallible and beyond fault; She stands above all men as I stand over you.” She finished, “Wise is the man who follows Woman; do you follow Me?” i replied, “Yes, my Goddess, i follow You, i obey You, allow me to serve You as You see fit.”
i continued kneeling before Nancy. She does not get a ring as a part of the ceremony since she is a free spirit beholden only to Herself and Her wishes. men, on the other hand, do get a ring, a reference to the single-ring ceremony of ages past where the Woman received a ring indicative of Her commitment but the man didn’t, indicative of his freedom despite being married. The roles have been reversed in our congregation; thus, i have committed myself to Her and in so doing belong to Her and accept whatever She wishes.
The ceremony nearly complete, She extends Her hand and i gently kiss it. She walks away and only then do i rise, take Her arm and follow Her. We greet our guests in the reception line, and i now am privileged to kiss the Bride!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
My father passed away when I was young and I honestly do not remember how the power was divided between him and mom. What I do remember is that my mom took care of my sister and me, and made sure we had everything we needed. She was a strong woman, and I wanted to be a strong woman too.
I remember this really annoying boy in middle school. I used to complain about him to mom, who would often say, “Sounds like he could use some discipline.” I found this funny since this boy took karate, which I thought taught discipline. I learned in ninth grade that he was only annoying to me because he liked me and didn’t know how to show it. That was when we began dating—we would go to movies, we would hang out, and he was actually quite nice and usually we would do what I wanted. And, yes, this was Brad.
Sometimes, however, we would do what Brad wanted, and occasionally he even yelled at me when I suggested something. I always hated that, because there was never any reason for it. It pissed me off so bad, and I would remember what my mom said—that he needed discipline, and I would agree. I even started karate to be with him more, but he teased me about this, too, implying that I wouldn’t be any good.
I couldn’t figure out where these sexist thoughts of his were coming from, since there were many girls in karate, and I knew his mom was a strong woman. I had seen her threaten Brad with spankings many times and he would always straighten up. It was this that made me think he needed more discipline than he got; I just didn’t think it would be me to do it.
We broke up during junior year of high school, both of us agreeing that it wasn’t working. We went our separate ways in college, and I dated other guys. But for some unknown reason I kept thinking about Brad. I kept comparing all my boyfriends to him and realized that I really liked it when he did what I wanted. It was only when he got angry and yelled that I had a problem with him.
So I was pleasantly surprised and actually excited when he invited me to his college graduation party. We talked about “old times,” and he apologized for all of the things he had done to hurt me and promised this would never happen again. This made me happy, but he didn’t seem to want to get back together. But we kept hanging out together, and I kept trying to get him interested, until I finally asked him right out if he wanted to go out again. He told me that he did, and I told him that I really wanted to go out with him again, but that I would not accept the behavior he had displayed before.
That was when Brad surprised me by saying, “You might have to spank me if I do.” That was when the idea of me disciplining him when he did something I did not like first came to mind. I jokingly asked him if he meant like his mom used to, and he blushed so red! It was cute.
Everything went really well between us until Brad decided to go back to school and get his master’s. With this schedule he was really busy, and I understood that, and I did more of the chores and cooked dinner to help him out, even though we had agreed when we got back together that he would do most of the chores. I was fine with it, figuring that he would resume doing most of the chores once he had some free time. I was fine with it, that is, until Brad began making some comments on things not being clean enough, and once when I was late with dinner, he yelled at me about why wasn’t it ready.
That’s when I exploded and yelled back at him about how I was doing his chores for him and trying to help him, but he was just being an a-hole and didn’t appreciate me or my efforts on his behalf. I told him that I would not take it any more, and that he could either leave, since he had broken his promise, or he would have to accept me punishing him like he said that I should.
Brad looked truly shocked at my threatening to punish him. If I wasn’t so mad, I would have probably laughed at the expression on his face. I think my yelling woke him up, as I never shout. He told me that he was really sorry and that he loved me. And, yes, he agreed to let me punish him—and that was when I first spanked my boyfriend, the turning point in our relationship.
I gave Brad quite a few on his bare butt, and watched how it bounced quite a bit and turned very red. I only used my hand, but I did get him to cry a bit. Afterward I had him stand in the corner while I looked at his cute red ass and I decided that I actually kind of liked spanking him and seeing his cute butt turn red. After the corner time I let him get dressed and told him straight up if he needed it, I would spank him again.
Brad was really well behaved for almost a month before the stress got to him again and he yelled at me again. And as promised, he found himself over my lap again, getting a harder spanking than the first time. I soon realized that this method of punishment really worked for Brad, and that I could use it to correct other behaviors that bothered me, like his leaving clothes all over the floor, not completing his chores, and forgetting to call when he was going to be late. And as I expected, it did work. He would be very conscious of these shortcomings for a while, but every so often he would mess up and find himself one again over Shannon’s lap, or bent over the chair.
This relationship works really well for us, and despite the embarrassment for my husband, I know that he agrees that it works, and that it is what he needs. There is no question now that I am in charge of our relationship, although most who know us probably see us as just a normal couple where the wife calls the shots.
A few know more. One or two of Brad’s guy friends have seen his sore butt at the gym, and he was recently strip-searched at the airport and the TSA personnel saw his sore butt as well. For the most part, however, no one knows how, or to what extent, I keep control of my husband.
I expect things to change some in the days to come. Brad will get disciplined for different things and in different ways, but we both agree that our relationship is much better now that I am in charge.
Friday, August 22, 2014
(This is the first of what I hope will be a series of posts from a young couple recently embarked on a wife led marriage. Since Brad sent me his “story” first, I’ll start with that, and follow in a few days with Shannon’s version of how they came together, and how she took control.—Mark Remond)
Brad: I grew up in a family were my mother was clearly in charge. She is the one who told us what to do and disciplined us when we disobeyed. She told dad what to do as well. My family consists of my mom, my dad, my older sister and older brother and myself. If mom and dad weren’t around, my sister was in charge. I thus grew up accepting that the women had more authority in the home than men.
I dated my wife, Shannon, in high school and often let her be in charge, but I got teased by the other guys a lot and I ruined it by arguing with her a lot, trying to be “the man.” I didn’t know it at the time, but there are different types of men, and I am a submissive one. I like others to be in charge, I feel safe and secure that way. It took me living on my own with no one to guide me to realize this.
By the time I graduated college I knew I needed someone that would take control of our relationship, and I vowed this time I would not screw it up. I got lucky when my high school girlfriend came to my party and saw that I was not trying to be the dominant one anymore. She seemed interested in me for some reason, but I was scared. Over the summer we hung out again and finally we got back together, but she made it clear it was not to be like last time. Jokingly I told her that she might have to spank me if I did that so I would learn. She laughed and I thought everything would be fine until I got very grouchy at some point and snapped at her for no reason other than I was stressed. That was when our relationship changed.
Prior to this my wife called the shots, made decisions and reminded me of what I needed to do, but this behavior of mine made her realize she would not put up with me snapping. She yelled at me and gave me a choice—either I could leave, or she would do exactly as I had suggested when we got back together, i.e., punish me in order to teach me what was and was not acceptable behavior.
I was shocked, but happier with Shannon at that moment than I had ever been, and so agreed to let her punish me. But when she told me to drop my pants and briefs and bend over her lap, I was humiliated. That first spanking was more humiliating then painful since she only used her hand, but I still cried, mostly I think from the guilt. I behaved really well after that—for a while, but it came to the point where I snapped at her again, and so got another spanking. This one was harder than the first.
This cycle continued for a while until Shannon began to punish me for other things that annoyed her (and still do). Now I know that I can always count on her to help me be a good husband for her, and a good father to my kids in the future. (Fortunately, I have a few years to learn from Shannon’s instruction before that happens!)
I should mention that, outside our home, people see a relatively normal couple where both people work. They see me treat my wife with respect and vice versa. The system of our wife led marriage will evolve, I am sure, but it works well for us, and I love her today even more than I did when we got engaged.